Pointless trends on Tumblr.

Is it just me or are there certain trends on tumblr that are just dumb as shit? Where do these trends begin and who thought that they are "cool"? I don't know the answer to that, and I'm not sure I want to know. All I know is that, if thats what is "in" right now then I guess I have no choice but to join in or else I run the risk of one day being labelled uncool and probably end up in that blog about ugly people in Walmart.


1) Anorexic girls wearing tights:

In cyberspace you will find a plethora of images of really skinny girls. Now thats a given. The internet is a breeding site of "beauty" or in other words "thinspiration" for girls who wish they looked like Kate Moss. But within the online universe of skinny chicks a few bizarre trends really seem to stick out (LIKE THE GIRL'S HIP BONES! HIYYOOOOO). This includes things such as hot skinny girls smoking weed, hot skinny girls eating messily, hot skinny girls looking sad aannnnddd last but most certainly not least, hot skinny girls wearing tights.
It's not like I don't "get it". I "Get it". Those chicks are hot and skinny enough to look faboosh in only stockings, but I just think it's retarded that so many people agree with that statement that there is a whole trend out there of taking photos of girls wearing tights. Where do these people find the time?

With the new craze I thought i might jump in on the band wagon and see if my photos launches me into internet stardom....

Ill-fitting, yet oh so comfortable Bonds cottontails, the perfect look for F/W 2011.

2) Low Calorie, Artistic Breakfast photos:

Breakfast photos have been steadily on the rise since 2009. We all love looking at photos of food, and breakfast is no exception. However, how are you going to post your sexy tights photo if you are bloated and overweight from all that delicious breakfast??!

Well there is a solution to that! Eat a really boring low calorie meal like oats and berries but take a super arty photo of it and stick it on tumblr to make it look like it is a satisfying meal.

Yeah, fruits FINE... I guess. 

Well, I thought i would post a photo of my breakfast, but since cigarettes entered my daily meal plan in 2007 I don't really eat breakfast. Sometimes i'll  indulge in the occasional  bowl of bran cereal because it's good for the digestive system ;) but otherwise I guess the only meals being served in my house at that hour look like this.

Breakfast IS the most important meal of the day.

3) Photos of irrelevant items with designer names.

I don't know where this started but apparently its cool nowadays to show items that have nothing to do with fashion that have famous designer names on them.... I guess maybe it's some really deep artistic concept that a small town gal like myself can't grasp. SIGH, if only I read more Nietzsche...

Check that arty shit out. MAN, is that deep!

Dior.

Comme Des Garcons.

4) Small white rooms.

Ok, I must admit. I love looking at douchey interior of houses  I will never afford and in my never-ending quest for the wankiest room I have come across a million and one small, white rooms. There is apparently something about unnecessarily small rooms that grab the fashionable type's eye. However I like to think the bigger the better if i'm lusting after a dream bedroom. Perhaps it's my untrained eye or perhaps it's the fact I have slept in a closet for the past 7 years, but when did it become cool to only have enough space in a room to fit a well place tea candle?

Maybe the photos came from Midget's Vogue Living?

Well, i have a tiny room but maybe its not tiny or white enough, so I looked for the next best room in my house....

It's small, it's white and DAMN is it cool or what?

I wish I was asian....

4 Reasons my life would be better if I was of Asian decent:

1. The food. This is number one because it is most obvious. After years of collecting asian cooking books and perfecting the stir fry or the curry, I still can't help but feel a little bit jealous when I hear about  my Asian friend's parents just casually whipping up some delicious char kway teow on a tuesday night for dinner, A dish that I still don't know how to cook. 

"Ohh you know, Sorry its not very much food, I just whipped this up a few minutes ago"

2. Body. Biologically speaking, people of Asian decent are generally slim. This is from their lifestyles and healthy (DELICIOUS) diets which in turn have given the majority of people fast, genetically inherited metabolisms. With my hearty Hungarian and American back ground I come from a more "robust" breed. I mean, for fucks sake, one of the countries i am a descendent of is ACTUALLY called Hungary. If I so much as LOOK at a cake I feel the weight pile on. Due to the cold climate and working class background my family have, I am also lucky enough to inherit enough body hair to make me look like i'm the missing link's sister. So it is so unfair to be sitting in a food court in China town surround by smooth skinned, slim girls tucking into their BBQ duck soup with a side of milky sweet taro pearl Easy Way, with a tasty creamy bun from the Chinese bakery down the road as dessert while I glare at my meal of miso soup and assorted LOW FAT sushi and a glass of water while my arm hair practically sweeps along the floor and my moustache acts as a strainer for my miso soup.

Me and my low-fat plate of fruit.

The female world champion competitive eater.

3. They can just "Pull it off" better. This can also be known as the "First time in Japan Syndrome". Last year I was lucky enough to have some friends accompany me on a trip to Japan. This was my third trip, and everyone else's first trip. I feel I am wiser due to my previous trips and mostly avoided catching the dreaded FTIJ Syndrome. Everyone else was less fortunate...

This awful affliction leads to purchasing clothing and accessories that only Japanese girls can "pull off". This includes colourful harem pants, overly adorned stick-on nails, fake glasses, flowing lacey dresses and t-shirts in "Engrish". It's the type of purchase where you can ALMOST get away with it in Japan but once back in Australia you just end up looking like a jackass or a whore (the nails). 

Don't get me wrong. I love all these things but I feel it just doesn't look as good on a hairy, mid weight, pale white female as it does on your average Japanese girl. Now I know I said I want to be Asian (speaking generally across the Asian continent but unfortunately I haven't been to any other Asian country yet so my knowledge on this terrible illness only goes as far as Japan. After my trip to Vietnam and Hong Kong, later this year, I will keep you posted if it is contagious throughout the continent. 

Yuck... just don't. 

4. Travel. Now if I was of Asian decent that would most likely mean I would have family living in my home country. Which also means, free accommodation and a perfectly good excuse to keep travelling there. Pretty obvious. Pretty simple to understand. 

Anywho, thats the long (AND SHORT SOUP!!!) of it. 

Please, if you are of Asian decent and are reading this, don't for one second think i'm being racist or stereotyping an entire continent (because I realise that I did that a lot in this post, and while it may seem i'm some ignorant asshole who can't tell the difference between Korea and Nepal, I assure you I can. Im just a REALLY bad writer). Just feel sorry for my Wapanese ass and pity the fact that I will never be able to be as good as you.